I love nothing more than a fat piece of white trash honey boo boo chiiillllldddd

10 Jan

When hot guys are not hot

7 Nov

There are two types of hot guys who turn ugly:

1. when a hot guy says something so rude or gross that he no longer is hot. Zach Nichols from the real world is hot. He is one piece of man I could go to town on. However, because he is such a hater of all things gay, he is no longer hot. His homophobic rants make him more unattractive than the fact that he uses a purifying face mask and gets his eyebrows waxed (which is SOOOOO not gay). I am not saying that he needs to love all gay people as much as he loves to shoot guns and eat steak, i would just like to see a little compassion or you know, acceptance of the human race. No biggie.

(see his hot piece of ass below – I’ll ignore the fact that he is wearing baby blue and has a cross around his neck).


2. The other type of hot man who can turn ugly is a hot guy who does too many drugs/does nothing with his life. Hot guys, like strippers, can only rely on their looks for so long. So if you speed up the deterioration of your looks by sucking it up your nose or shootin’ in your arm, then the hoes ain’t gonna rain on you no more. And you will be just chilling with you sorta cute, sorta overweight girlfriend and your dog doing absolutely nothing wondering where all the hoes are.

Middle Seats are Awesome

23 Oct

Who doesn’t love a middle seat on a plane? All that leg room! You can lean side to side and reallllly get comfortable. And you can even lend an loving shoulder when the guy next to you needs to take a nap.






Honesty Tastes Better than Bullshit

19 Oct

Don’t you just wish you could let everyone know how you feel all the time? No more bull-shitting around with feelings and caring thoughts – just cut to the chase. Who can’t appreciate that?

Well, nobody can really appreciate that. Life would be so easy if you could just tell your friend who can’t dance to stop dancing – lets save everyone the embarrassment. Or when you are browsing Facebook and you notice one of your friends just got engaged. Everyone is congratulating them but in your head, you know what everyone is thinking: “Wow you guys got engaged? Don’t you think you are too young for that?”

Just a thought.

I prefer men who don’t speak

17 Oct

This week is officially man hating week of 2011 for me. They are disgusting.

1. I was texted my super creep/loser (see post below).

2. While waiting in line at the Empire State building, I was constantly getting POKED from the guy behind me. And not poked like how on Facebook fuckin’ creepers/pedophiles poke you. I mean I was gettin’ poked on my back by this dude (by his camera, not his peen, but still). I need my space.

3. I interviewed to be a volunteer/fabulous member of society and before I even hear back about getting the position, I receive an email about going on a date with the guy who interviewed me. Like he has the right with his pre-maturely balding self.


I don’t understand why men think they are better than they really are. I don’t understand why I can’t live my life without attracting the worst awko-tacos of 2011. I like my men uneducated, naked and SILENT – is that too much to ask!

Some Nerve

16 Oct

Men are idiots. I dunno why they think they are fabulous when they are mediocre. Take this fellow for instance: Chris Wood.I met him in a bar and the rest is history.

Feel free to facebook him and let him know he is a dillhole (i would like to remind you that I have NEVER responded).

10/13/11 – 9:54 pm: What’s good Juliette? 😀 Hows your week been?

10/13/11 – 10:05 pm: If you remember I was that dude drunk as fuck in those fresh as skinny jeans, some ecco dress shoes, crimson/lavender button down, w the white/silver swatch, a movie star’s face, and a perfect build. We met at the brig

10/13/11 – 10:24 pm: Actually that shirt was more midnight blue/lilac

10/13/11 – 10:26 pm: I just got home, so I looked at that shirt. Turns out it’s colors consist of bruised lilac, pearl white, thistle, and even a touch of sky blue! that shirt is mean as fuck!

10/13/11 – 11:50 pm: My week has been good, though very tainted by the fact that drake pushed his album release back 3 weeks. I live thru rap, juliette, it’s like scripture to me. I’m the best like wayne, I’m depressed like eminem, I’m arrogant as kanye, I’m a mogul like hov, I’m reckless like pac, I’m alone like kid cudi, I’m fly like drake. I need a new album or I’m lost.

10/14/11 – 1:44 am: And Adele has a great voice, but I refuse to listen to any of her music until she gets he weight problem under control.

10/14/11 – 8:24 pm: So you really ain’t tryna kick it this weekend? That’s cool. I guess I’m just about to kick it here then.

big tits don’t count if you are fat

15 Jun

How come its always the fat girls who put their tits on display for all to see? Do they not understand that it is not sexy when their body is equally as big? They take pictures in their dirty bathroom mirrors of themselves, mainly of their tits, and post 28 pictures on Facebook for all of their friends to “like,” which they never do. Unless their friends are heffers as well, and in that case they will comment on each others pictures, boosting their self esteem by proclaiming each other “hot” and “sexy,” which we all know is not the case. Fat girls should take more realistic pictures, such as a picture of them polishing off a pan of lasagna or eating a jar of queso with their fingers.

Maybe they post these pictures on dating sites. My fat cousin takes fat titty pictures and posts them on plentyoffish.com and she goes on more dates then I ever will. It’s funny because you think once a dude sees her devour an entire 3 meat pizza he would be turned off, but maybe he’s just impressed at the amount of sausage she can fit in her mouth. Who knows.